All hail the Stockettes!!

Editor’s Note: This post is in response to one particular person and situation. It is written in an over-the-top fashion to get the attention from that person and get our point across. It was also written with a great deal of different opinions combined and is meant, for the most part to be humorous.

Lately one of my fellow Stockette’s came across an interesting ‘definition’ on the internet (and I use the term definition loosely) that pertained to our beloved Lady Stockard Channing. The words were cruel, ignorant, offensive, chauvinistic, rude, digusting, inaccurate, and did I mention ignorant? I do believe that innacurate and offensive describe them best, but I digress… I will not dignify the nauseating and repulsive ‘definition’ with a link, because the ‘author’ random contributing prick that wrote the distasteful, obnoxious irritatingly annoying little words does not deserve any more ‘hits’ on his (hers?) insulting and altogether sickening post. This is just a point that I am trying to prove to the world; Some people shouldn’t be allowed on the internet, or at least to contribute to any information that is accessible to innocent web surfers. To contribute any information online, you should at least have, oh, let’s say a sixth grade degree. To be perfectly honest, the web shouldn’t even be attainable to anyone that hasn’t a college degree, or, the equivalent of such (this is so I do not offend anyone that is actually, wait, what’s the word? Oh, yes, smart.). Why? You might ask. Well, I have just the answer; so mature, respectful and ethical people such as myself (you know, those of us that do have a moral compass that we use), do not have to spend their very precious time to right all of the wrongs in cyberspace. I am already tired of policing Twitter and (God help us) Facebook for ungodly mistakes in grammar, nonsense and the absolute worst; far too much information. Nobody wants to know what you had for dinner, if you did five loads of laundry yesterday, if your child was sick and puked all night, or that your idiot boyfriend is being an ass (which is about 90% of the time, yes?). We don’t want to know that you are spending quality time with your hubby, or that you just cut your grass, unless you are a person of interest to us. Guess what? You are not all that interesting. Okay? If you tweet about cutting your fucking grass all day, you had better be Ryan Reynolds, Matthew McConaughey, Bradley fucking Cooper, or someone nicknamed McDreamy or McSteamy, and attach a picture of yourself topless and sweating after you have cut your grass. Got it? If you are spending quality time with your boyfriend or your husband, and you feel the need to tell the world on Facebook, why don’t you make sure we care first? Don’t know if you qualify? Well, let me tell you if you do. Are you Jennifer Aniston? Are you Mariska Hartgitay? Are you Stockard Channing? If you answered no, then guess what? We don’t give a damn, so, shut your fucking mouth. Unless you have a degree.

Why am I so adament about halting the moronic imbiceles who lack the accurate brain cells from contributing their dumbass opinions on the web? I am tired, people. If you are bored, go play a damned video game instead of telling the world about what you think is clever. You know why? Because you don’t think! So… step… away… from… the… keyboard…NOW! You see, if you are feeble-minded, you are much more likely to win at a cartoon-like video game, than you are to impress anyone in the world with your opinion on something you know nothing about. Plus, I am a bit grouchy today and I was just listening to Metallica, which goes hand in hand with my angry feelings.

If you aren’t an ‘Italian’ Reality TV star (or any reality star, again, the word star is used loosely), an ‘Extreme Couponer’, A ‘Gypsy who is getting married at 16′ or are a member of the ‘Mobwives’, nobody is going to follow you on Twitter, Facebook, your lousy blog, random pages where you can comment, or places where you can make up your own definitions. Just because you happen to have a computer, and delusions of grandeur does not mean that you are even competent or qualified, or hell, even wanted to be a web editor. This is especially true (or would the idiots of the world rather me say ‘exspecially’?) if you cower behind a moniter with a fake name that you think is cute or endearing. Okay, so are you still with me dimwit, or did I lose you somewhere in the first sentence, or three paragraphs ago? It’s ok, you can join the thousands of other drones that have no idea what they are talking about.

Here’s what I am saying to you people (using the word people loosely as well): Shut the hell up. If the internet was the playground at school, your ass would get beat up every day because you are a senseless fool with a big mouth. Or, here is another scenario (hey, I’m on a roll tonight, okay?) if you were an inmate convicted of molesting a child or murdering elderly people, you would be the one who gets shanked. I would say “you know who you are”, but you’re a mindless loser who doesn’t even comprehend what this entire post is about. So, I will say, if this post does not penetrate deep enough inside your tiny, tiny, tiny little head, then YOU should STOP posting ANYTHING on the ENTIRE web. And, just so we’re clear, when you use ‘ALL CAPS’ to type with, those words are considered as virtual raised voices or even yelling. If you’ve gone past itilicizing and are on to capital words, it basically means that your stupidity has basically PISSED somebody off.

Now that I have all of that off of my chest (no, I am not done, not even close), to anyone who has something disagreeable to say about Stockard Channing, here I am. Say it to me, run it past me, get my thoughts on the subject. Because if my fellow Stockettes and I are deeply offended by something that you write, post, publicize or even think about, we will pounce. When I say pounce, I am being gracious. We have no intention of not leaving deep wounds and scars all over your entire life. Not just your physical self, but your entire world.  If you are stupid, leave Stockard Channing (you know, the wonderful actress who graduated summa cum laude from Radcliffe, known now as Harvard) out of it. Harvard, by the way, is an Ivy-League College you dim-witted ass, which is, I am quite sure a place that you have never even been, but also a place where you would never be welcome because they don’t concentrate their studies in the football huddles or the basketball courts that you are used to. They actually have books there! Real books, and real dictionaries written by people that can actually spell, not dictionaries that define slang words (which are basically words that dumb people construct because they don’t know the real words that are from the real dictionaries). Oh! So sorry, I’ve lost your dumb-ass again, haven’t I? A book is “a written or printed work of fiction or non-fiction, usually on sheets of paper fastened or bound together within covers”. That definition came strait from the dictionary that you lack (or use to prop up a piece of broken furniture in your idiotic world). Wait, I will give you a picture so you can keep up:

This is a Dictionary.

Not only is that a dictionary, it is a Latin one! Since you barely discern regular old English, we should probably stay away from Latin while you’re here. I will, however define summa cum laude for you; It is a noun (which is a person, place or thing, in case you didn’t know), meaning “with highest praise: used in diplomas to grant the highest of three special honors for grades (in your world, however, grades most-likely translate into F’s) above the average”. Probably something that you may have heard of on TV.

 

The Stockettes that I am referring to are not usually angered (well, one or two at a time, but rarely do we all flare up over something so indecent as a post about our crowned Lady, Stockard Channing- hence how we refer to ourselves) enough to respond with a bit of rage like this post. However, when we are this angry…you know, “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”, and all of that, we become dangerous. That is not complimentary to you or your cause. We are, literally ‘out for blood’, with our talons extended, our mouths watering to quell your idiocy, and our sharp minds are honed and ready to rip you apart. Beware. Be careful. Be wise. Do not demean our Lady, or we will grasp your lack of intellect and use it as a tool, a formidable weapon far more impervious than anything that you could ever imagine in your own arsenol.

 

Oh! silly me, I forgot (that’s what happens to smart people, they make mistakes, and they learn from them, and the mistakes of others to increase their wisdom), I forgot to mention what in the world a Stockette is! So sorry for over-looking that small matter. I will now inform you, so you don’t have to wonder:

 

WORD: Stockette

DEFINITION: A highly devoted and intelligent fan of only the best actresses in the world, namely Stockard Channing, born February. 13, 1944, in New York City (otherwise known as Susan Antonia Williams Stockard Channing).

~A lover of the actress Stockard Channing-who has exceptional acting skills, and is gorgeous, with a fit body and a kind heart. Miss Channing is the recipient of five Tony Nominations and the winner of Two Tony awards, as well as various Emmy nominations (Two Wins) and Oscar Nominations. Miss Channing has starred in over 80 movies (both Screen and several made-for-TV), and over 50 Broadway plays since the age of 20.

~Someone that knows Stockard Channing has played more roles than “Rizzo in Grease”, 30+ years ago.

 ~Someone who prefers intillectually stimulating information, conversation and mainly entertainment. Stockette’s enjoy Plays and Musicals that tend to be “too smart” for the average man (or below average blogger).

Examples used in Sentences:

“I am a proud Stockette, an intellectual bad-ass who knows that Stockard Channing is one of the most beautiful and revered actresses ever to grace Hollywood, Broadway, and Television with her Presence.”

 ”Sorry, Stockettes don’t like gravy(111), but thanks anyway. We prefer more stimulating and intellectual people”.

 ”A pure Stockette does not makes him/herself look terribly idiotic when posting things on the internet. Or, at least we try.”

 ”Real Stockettes don’t make up ridiculous words that are not only offensive, but arbitrary and full of conjecture.”

 ”Stockette’s do not enjoy bureaucratic nonsense.”

 ”A Stockette will be out for blood if anyone were to intentionally discredit Stockard Channing in any way, shape, or form.”

 ”Some Stockette’s will ’ “cut a bitch” ‘ to protect their Lady Channing.”

There you have it. Any questions? Though doubtful, because stupid people are often lazy as well, you will see a small link below this post that says ‘comment’, and if you click on it (pay attention, now you little idiot), you can leave me a message, or in one certain person’s case, an apology.

My name is Shawna, and this is my blog. My twitter name is Stockardguru, if you’re up for a war of words (you can see my tweets in the right-hand column, if you need to stop and ‘think’ about which side that is go ahead…Ready now that you’ve figured it out, you fool?). There are no pretend names here, and there is even a picture of me off to the right (again, I will give you a moment…well, a little longer, because you will enjoy my photo tremendously because I am not only smarter than you, I am by far cuter…).

Okay, now that you are all caught up (or you may be dumb and a slow reader), I shall end my rant. I will also pray for you, because you clearly need assistance (no, not public assistance, which I am sure you know far too much about, because you are most-likely too lazy to have a job). Yeah, so…thanks for visting…and now you may resume watching your WWE wrestling match (which is fake, sorry to spoil it for ya, but honestly, someone would have to do it sooner or later, and while we’re on the subject of fakeness, so is Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny).

OH! Before you go, if you can’t locate a dictionary, you know a real one? They have them at your local LIBRARY. No, no, don’t worry! There are these people that work there called Librarians, and they know their ABC’s, they’ll help you along. By the way, you may find all of these big words in the dictionary. I am so glad I could help!

Taking Stock…

Of my collection.

Being a huge fan of Stockard Channing (as is well documented here within this blog), I wanted to start a collection of something meaningful and expressive of my respect and adoration of her. Since I have nearly all of her movies, as do many other people in the world, I wanted to do something different. So, after attending Pal Joey in late 2008, meeting Ms. Channing in person and getting  my playbill signed (and grabbing an extra handful of them, just in case, on my way out), I thought it would be a great idea to collect her playbills. Of course, I have since found a playbill here and there on eBay and such, and have snatched them up as quickly as I have found them. I found one that was signed already (and yes, I compared the signatures with my original), and the cover of another that was signed. So, I had three playbills that were signed by my Lady. Since December 2008, I have been buying any playbill that I can find, so I had about six to choose from to take with me to Ms. Channing’s last two performances that I attended. Unfortunately, I didn’t get to meet Lady Stockard after The Breath of Life (I tried to!), so they went unsigned…until now.

Pal Joey

My very first playbill…EVER!

When I last met Stockard Channing, I had three playbills in my possession that I was hoping to get signed. I could have been greedy and taken them all, but I honestly thought that meeting Stockard would be frenzied and rushed like it had been in when I met her in NYC. But, it wasn’t. This meeting was sweet, leisurely and very rewarding. If I would have taken all of my playbills, I have no doubt that Ms. Channing would have accommodated me in signing them. Silly me, I only took three. I carried them conveniently inside of my Coach, right there with my Sharpie markers.

As I mentioned above, I had bought two playbills that were already signed, so along with Pal Joey, I already had my ‘collection’ going. The first one that I found was from Hapgood, which is one of Stockard’s favorite performances. It is signed by many, if not all performers that were in the play. I then discovered (to my delight!), The House of Blue Leaves, also signed by Stockard Channing. However, this was not the entire playbill, but merely the cover, but beggars can’t be choosers, right?

       Hapgood                    The House of Blue Leaves

And so, I decided to take only three playbills with me to see The Importance of Being Earnest in Dublin. I had figured that if i got to meet my idol, I would already want her to sign the Earnest ‘programme’ anyhow, so I didn’t want to overwhelm her. On my first night meeting her in Dublin, I was able to get her to sign The Little Foxes (which I think my be my favorite, or at least the cover of it is), and Joe Egg, as it was one of Stockard’s best known performances for which she won a Tony award. She didn’t question me about my small batch of playbills, as I limited myself (damn it!). So, she signed these two for me (yes, with my famous silver Sharpie), while we stood and chatted for a few moments. how joyous for me to see that she wrote “Best wishes” on the both of them too! As a side note, I’m not so sure that she would have written that if she really knew what my ‘wishes’ really constist of…

The Little Foxes                              Joe Egg

On the actual night of the play, there was a great deal of picture taking, and autograph signing for Ms. Channing. Again, with my Sharpie, the black one this time (good thing I brought those, as nobody else had one!), she signed the programme that I bought at the play (yes, they sold them, they were not for free like in the States). This time, I got her to write my name as well (hoping, of course, that she might actually remember me just a bit for future reference, but I am not so sure that worked…hmmm)

                                                                                                                   The Importance of Being Earnest

When I handed her my last playbill to sign that night, I thought nothing of it, as it was my plan to procure for myself all of Stockard’s playbills, and get them signed eventually. This playbill, however, was a very dated one. Arsenic and Old Lace was from a 1970 performance. When Stockard looked at it, she seemed a bit surprised, and looked up at me with raised eyebrows, and in a way that she had not previously looked at me. This time, I was not just another person standing in line to get to meet her. This time, she actually saw me. As her look seemed quizzical, I replied nonchalantly “Oh, I collect all of your playbills. I want to get them all signed.” Stockard replied in a serious tone “That’s a really good idea!”

Arsenic and Old Lace

And, my latest addition that IS signed, although I have acquired quite a few (that I really coveted), including The House of Blue Leaves (two different productions! One had a ticket from the actual 1985 production inside of it!), and The Lion in Winter, and Two Gentleman of Verona.

A Day in the Death of Joe Egg

I probably should have added that this might end up being quite a difficult and daunting task, as some of them are terribly hard to find, if they even exist at all! So, now that Lady Stockard thinks I have a great idea (I am quite clever), I am on a wild goose chase to find all of her playbills so that one day, I will have a complete collection of autographed playbills by my favorite person in the world (an idea, by the way, that I hope nobody else latches on to, as then it would not be unique to me, which was kind of the point to begin with). So, at this point in time, I have 13 signed playbills, 17 unsigned playbills, and about 22 (that I am even aware of) that I do not have. If anyone is willing or able to add to my collection (or know of any place where such gems could be found, besides eBay, of course), please feel free to do so. Since I last updated this page, I have found more playbills, and the last time that I met Miss Channing (which was the fourth time that I have met her, and was outside of the Mitzi E Newhouse theatre after she performed in Other Desert Cities). These are my latest acquisitions:

Other Desert Cities (January 2011)

The Lion in Winter

No Hard Feelings (1973)

Woman in Mind

The Ever Elusive; Two Gentlmen of Verona!

I will now add a list all of the playbills that I still lack (well, those that I am aware of):

Measure of Measure

Peace

Vanities  (1976)

As you like it

The Homecoming

Jake’s Women

Adaptation-Next

After the Fall

Game of Adam and Eve

The Lesson

The innocent party

Wax Museum

Midsummer Night’s Dream

Everyman

Trojan Women

Three Penny Opera

The Exonerated (London Production in 2006)

Arms and the Man (1966, Boston Production)

From LaughingStock Productions.

Since some of Stockard Channing’s movies are rather difficult to find, I decided that I would copy the elusive ones from VHS to DVD, so that others may enjoy them as well. This way, all of the Stockette’s from the Stockard Channing Face Book Group can all discuss the movies.

Many of us have not seen every single movie that Stockard has starred in, but I, of course have 99% of them. Here I will list the movies that I have and if anyone is interested, email me at essayedits@yahoo.com and include your own email address, and list the movies that you want. I will copy the movies and send an invoice through paypal, from LaughingStock productions (lol). Of course, I have not gotten all of the movies copied as if yet, but I have a handful of them, and the ones that I do have are pretty good. So, here is a list of all that I have to sell if anyone would like them.

I also have a few extra items that may be of interest to anyone else, which I will also list. If anyone has any questions, I will be happy to answer them. Among the Stockard Channing movies I have available are:

Silent Victory: The Kitty O’Neil Story 

This is a biographical made for TV movie that was recorded in 1979. Stockard Channing plays Kitty O’neil, a real woman who, depite being deaf, overcomes every obstacle in her life to be not just good, but better than others at all that she does. She brokes many records in her life, found love and fought the world and all of the evil within the world to excel at everything that she did.

Kitty O’Neil was an advocate for the deaf, and thanks to her mother, she lived a normal life. She was taught to speak normally and read lips, and never learned sign language because her mother wanted her to have as normal a life as possible.

Stockard’s performance in this movie is ineffible. No words can describe to do it any justice at all.

An Unexpected Family  &  An Unexpected Life

 Two Made for TV movies, this is about a single woman who works in a prestigious New York City museum, who is asked by her sister to babysit her children (her niece and nephew). Her sister ends up running off and abandoning the inept Barbara Whitney with children that she does not know how to handle.

Of course, Whitney grows fonder of the kids as time goes on, and becomes more motherly than she ever thought she was capable of doing. Just as Barbara decides that the children are a much larger part of her life than ever, her wacky sister comes back to claim them. A court case ensues and the fate of the children is decided.In the second movie Barbara falls in love and becomes pregnant (The only pregnant Stockard that we have ever seen), and ended up with an  entire family that was never planned. This movie is how Whitney adapts to things that she never wanted, but ended up with anyway.

           Safari 3000

Fun with a monkey, a hunky race-car driver, and a terribly fascinating race in Africa,  Journalist J.J. Dalton finds herself in the middle of some very strange situations. This movie is witty, clever, and interesting as all of the drivers in the race try to outwit one another, it is a race to the finish line for the cash prize. Along the way, Dalton takes many a picture, loses many a camera and gains a sweet little monkey, and of course…love. Now who doesn’t like a story with all of the above (especially when there is a one Stockard Channing involved in it, right?). It also includes a sexy little love scene as well as a few very romantic evenings for Dalton.

Sweet Revenge

One of Stockard’s most elusive movies (very hard to find, especially for a decent price, I think I  paid nearly $50.00 for this movie, but worth it).

In this move, Stockard Stars opposite Sam Waterston and is basically a theif. But, she’s very good at it. Vurrla Kowsky finds herself in a little pickle: she might wind up in jail if she doesn’t stop stealing cars just so she can buy her dream car. Vurrla (or whatever her name is in any given scene) is haunted by her past but is not yet ready to embrace reform. Everything works out in the end. She’s like Rizzo, but older and more bad-ass. Speaking of ass, in this one you get to see Stockard sans clothing (don’t get too excited, it’s just a microsecond long, so pay attention!).

     

             Pal Joey

   One of Stockard Channing’s gem of a musical. The story of poor Joey who meets rich Vera Simpson who cajoles and seduces the lonely cougar so that he may gain from her a world in which he wishes to live. Whether you see it live or on a recorded DVD, this musical is absolutely fabulous. Stockard sings, dances, and pretty much steals the show. For those of you who have this DVD, you know what I am talking about. For those of you who have not seen it (the entire thing) it is one of the best performances that Stockard gives in her entire career.

One copy has Risch in it, the other Hoff. Risch is highly recommended, Hoff is not. He lacked chemistry with our favorite Lady.

 

 

   Confessions Of an Ugly Step-sister

 Confessions of an Ugly Step-sister is based upon the written novel of the same name by Gregory Maguire (who is the genius behind Wicked, which prompted the hit Musical that is a mainstay on Broadway. Stockard portrays Margarethe Fisher Van Den Meer, a mother, laden with two daughters, one who is thought to be homely, and the other is not bright (though she is in her teens, she thinks like a child). Arriving in her original hometown in Holland, Margarethe attempts to reclaim her grandfather’s large state. When she arrives, however she finds that he has died and his home has been sold off. Poor, hungry and broken, the three women accused of witchcraft find solace in the local painters home as his household help. Eventually Margarethe sets her sights on the wealthy Van Den Meer household which consists of a handsome widower and his beautiful daughter Clara. She convinces Van Den Meer to marry her, for his wife is long dead (again, of course, slightly different than the book, as usual).

Like all of Maguires stories, this is based on a fairy-tail, but changed into a formate that is more realistic, as if it actually happened. He puts lives and characters into action in ways that we have never seen before. And Miss Channing looks grand while she is decked out in those beautiful gowns with (I must admit) a great deal of decollatage. The movie is very worth watching and brings Cinderella and her ‘ugly, mean step-sisters’ into a real family that is just misunderstood. 

 

Other Movies that are available right now:

• Sunday’s at Tiffany’s (2010)   
• Mr. Willowby’s Christmas Tree
• The Prosecutors
• Tidy Endings
• A Time of Destiny
• Table Settings (a professionally recorded play)
• Lily Dale
• Lucan
• Not my Kid

Each movie is $10.00 (that includes shipping). If there are multiple movies shipped at once, there will be a discounted price. If there is a movie that you want but do not see, ask, I may be able to get it. Even regular DVD’s, see photo’s below;          

 

                              

 The Top Shelf (in no Particular Order, honestly) 

Seen in this photo:

Sparkle, A Girl Thing ( terriffic mini-series), Twilight, Anything Else, The Piano Man’s Daughter, To Wong Foo-Thanks for everything, love Julie Newmar, Smoke (in which the Channing wears an eyepatch with one hell of a Brooklyn accent!), Jack, Up Close & Personal, Sweet Revenge, Red Mercury, Other Voices, Married to It, 3 Needles (very disturbing and eye opening movie)., The Room Upstairs, Heartburn, The Truth about Jane, Must Love Dogs, The Big Bus, Staying Together David’s Mother, LeDivorce, Behind the Red Door (starring Keifer Sutherland and Keira Sedgewick). 

 

 

The Second Shelf (and again, there is no favoritism here, just sitting on a shelf):

 Seen in this photo:

The Stockard Channing Show, The Girl Most Likely to…, Six Degree’s of Seperation, Multiple Sarcasms, Practical Magic, The Hospital, The Business of Strangers, Isn’t she Great (she really is), Hitler: The rse of Evil, Grease (sigh), Perfect Witness, Where the Heart is, The First Wives Club (Cynthin-Swann dive and all), Edie & Pen (with that sexy love scene), Cheap Detective, Echoes in the Darkness, The baby Dance, Meet the Applegates, & The Men’s Club.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

 

This third Shelf is far less cerimonious, because the bulk of the shelf is filled with my collection of the West Wing Series,( Which I love, love, LOVE, because it contains one of the best female television characters ever written: Abigail Bartlet).

Silent Victoty:  The Kitty O’neil story (which is literally my favorite Stockard Channing movie), The Matthew Shepard Story (times 2), Micheal the Vistor ( a claymation Chrstmas Story), and finally, The Fish that Saved Pittsburgh. Again, none of these are in any particular order.                                                                                                              

 

 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

The fourth and final shelf of my amazing collection contain some of the rare and hard to find movies.

Here are the contest of the final shelf:

Safari 3000, Sunday’s at Tiffany’s, Without a Trace, Tidy Endings, A time of Destiny, Lily Dale, An Unexpected Family, an Unexpected life, Lucan, Table Settings (A professional recorded play), Not My Kid, and finally one of the best jewels in my box: The Fortune.  

 

 

 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        

Non Stockard available New York gem:

• Wicked: The Musical (starring Idina Menzel & Kristen Chenowith)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I also have available a CD-Rom containing 27 languages. The Rosetta Stone starts (for each individual language) at $179.00. This CD-Rom has every single language: Rosetta Stone is the world’s leading learning system, teaching over 30 languages in separate packages. Each package contains one chapter of each language (some have multiple chapters, or advanced levels). The cost for each begins at $179.00 and can cost up to $479.00 each! Here, you can get 27 languages (some with two levels) for next to nothing! This is an official burned copy of the following languages:

27 Languages at less than half of the cost!

• Arabic *
• Chinese (Mandarin) *
• Danish
• Dutch*
• English (American)*
• English (British)*
• French*
• German*
• Greek*
• Hebrew
• Hindi
• Indonesian
• Italian*
• Japanese*
• Korean
• Latin
• Polish
• Portuguese (Brazil)*
• Russian* (And traveler)
• Spanish (Latin America)*
• Spanish (Spain)*
• Swahili
• Swedish
• Thai
• Turkish
• Vietnamese
• Welsh

Just pop the CD-Rom into your computer and you can learn any of the languages listed above. The disc will arrive in a sleeve with Rosetta Stone handwritten onto it. If the CD-Rom does not work (with provided proof) , I will replace it or refund your money. Again, these are burned copies of all of the languages listed on ONE disc. Instead of paying $200.00 to learn the language you’ve always been longing to learn, pay $50.00.

All languages indicated with a * offer levels 1 and 2.

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*APL format extra

Newhouse State of Mind- Thanks to Stockard

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

Each time that the lovely Stockard Channing becomes engaged in a play, anywhere, I do my best to attend. When I hear that she is coming (or going, in some cases), I will usually purchase my tickets early, just to ensure that I have them. This was extremely smart of me to do when Other Desert Cities was announced about four months ago. Because the play was off Broadway at the Mitzi E. Newhouse  theatre, which is quite intimate and where there are very few seats to be had! 

This particular theatre holds literally 118 seats (click on seating chart link)! And I had two of them. The play, written about a young  troubled daughter of an affluent Palm Springs couple who writes her latest book–about her older troubled brother who had committed suicide– is one that greatly upsets her parents, younger brother and recovering alcoholic aunt. Sadly, I cared not about the plot (though it was a very deeply political drama). I merely cared that I was once again seeing Lady Channing, whom I greatly adore. Though I had a seat almost behind the stage (it was curved), my seats were, quite frankly bad-ass!

I had tickets in row B, so I assumed I would be in the second row. I was not in the second row. I was in the very first row, and my knees where literally touching the small barrier that ran in a circle touching the stage. Yes, I could have simply stepped over it and stood on the stage (which I would have done, had I not been ready to stake out the back of the theatre for Miss Channing). I had an agenda. Meet Stockard, behind whatever barricades were shielding her from my very innocent self), throw her a letter from me, with a small envelope with one thing to autograph and perhaps get her to autograph a few more of those  playbills that I collect. I had meant to put about two of the playbills that I brought with me into the envelope (that I addressed to myself and stamped too!), but before Stockard came out, Linda Lavin (who played Aunt Silda) came out (with three attendants) and so I asked her if she would sign the playbill (well, she was Alice for God’s sakes!), and she said she would only sign one thing, and one thing only and no picture (but she did not say it nicely). However, she did sign my playbill, and since I (had two others in my hand, I quickly slipped that one into the envelope to be signed instead of sacrificing any of my hard-to-find-one-of-a-kind playbills that I had, just in case the Channing didn’t feel like indulging my good self. So, I stood there waiting for my lady to come out, expecting her tiny little self to be surrounded by bodyguards (or at least one). She came out all right, but there were no body guards. In fact, there was one person with her to begin with, and she was hardly a bodyguard. As I was star-struck (like normal), at the Channing, I eyed her companion with a bit of knowledge. I greeted Stockard, and think I even called her that, while I usually call her Ms. Channing.  After I said hello to Stockard and asked her if I could get her autograph, I greeted her friend, who just happened to be Two and a Half Men star Holland Taylor. I was like. “Holland Taylor?” And she replied “Yes,” and smiled (I have always liked her, she’s fiesty, and I love her name!). How awesome was that? Apparently, Holland and Stockard are friends, because I recall asking if they were friends and Stockard (I believe) said “Oh yes”. And Miss Taylor replied “Very good friends.” Jealous, am I! So, when I handed my playbills to Ms. Channing (there were five, yes, five! What is wrong with me?), Miss Taylor offered Stockard her back to write on. Now that is a good friend. And yes, I brought my own Sharpie’s again, good thing.

At this point my mother and I (who had the camera, and did a great job I’ve gotta say) had our backs to the door leading to the street. As Stockard approached me to get my playbills, I told said, “I am the girl you met in Dublin, who collects your playbills.” and STOCKARD SAID “I thought that was you!” (Hello! I could have fainted). She signed all of my bills and stood while I spoke to her. I know that I said “I knew that was a wig!” about her hair in the play and she laughed and said that yes it was a wig. I told her something about wanting to get a good photo of the two of us together, since we have several, but none of them are perfect. So she was going to pose with me (all this time, mom was snapping pics, props to her). So, as I was speaking to her, mother was taking photo’s and I can only imagine what I was saying (God help me). I have had this big thing about her never having said my name, I just wanted to hear her say it. So, I asked her if she would say my name (at this point we were sort of face to face). It should be mentioned that she was smiling and grinning the whole time, as she was genuinely happy (probably happy to see Holland Taylor and not me…). She said ok, and I swear she started “Sha…) but me, being, well, me, blurted out my name, so now I will never know if she actually recalled my name from Dublin, however, one can hope, right? She did say it though, and twice!

                               

I also told her that I was getting angry at the other actors in the play who were yelling at her character and that had it been a real situation, I was about to be up on that stage in a heartbeat. She and Holland both laughed and Holland (who is fab, btw), said “I was too starting to get a little angry”. To which Stockard laughed and replied, “Well, I got to yell back a few times at least.” Then I gave her my envelope that I had brought and told her what was inside. There was a letter from myself which I asked Stockard to “please, please read it, please?!” And a series of questions that I had typed up from what all of us girls were discussing on the Stockard Channing Facebook page. I remember telling her something about the girls and “Gilly and I”, but I didn’t really elaborate. I told her that if they were too invasive to feel free to not answer them, but I thought she might find them interesting and amusing at least. I also told her (I think) that if she did answer them and didn’t want them known to anyone else, that they would never be, because I am not out to exploit her.

Then, she posed with me, and we got our best picture to date;

I mentioned something about reading an article in which Stockard referred to herself as ‘The Worst Celebrity Ever’ and that perhaps she should re-think that because she already is very unappreciated for the caliber of actress that she is (but then again, her acting speaks for itself, right? No awards needed, simply income and self gratification). She listened patiently, however, as kind as she is…

                                                      

Then we said our good-byes (tears in my pretty blue eyes, Stock!) and I was left to stand alone, ponder my great fortune at meeting her (without barriers, guards, other annoying fans like that group of gals in Dublin, and bitter cold), and watch her walk out of sight. But before she left and got into the car that was waiting for she and her lovely friend, I got one last hug—and it wasn’t all me, it was mutual:

  Best picture…EVER!

Womens Suffrage

With all this talk about equality for homosexuals (totally for it, btw), it got me thinking: what about equality for women? Women are snubbed in a huge variety of ways. We get paid less than men (.77 cents for each dollar that a man makes). Yet when most women do succeed, they often get accused of ‘sleeping their way to the top’. Let me tell the world something; not all women are harlots, whores, sluts, tramps, or whatever other word you would like to call them. I think that it is time that the women of the world (those whom deserve it, not the actual women that do fit these roles) should begin to earn a little respect. Some women take sexual relationships seriously and do not do things on a whim. If a woman has sex with a man–any man–she gets labeled. Yet the man gains popularity and respect. What if it was the man who pursued the woman, and the woman believed that she was entering a relationship that was safe and satisfying, yet she is used instead? Does that make her a branded woman? In this day and age when women are expected and even do perform more functions in their lives than ever, shouldn’t they get a little bit of respect?

When Hillary Clinton ran for President, everyone asked, “Is the world ready for a woman president?” What? The very question alone answers itself. If you must ask, you are not ready. So, I say to you why? What makes Hillary Clinton less qualified to be the President than any one? She presided over this country beside her husband for eight years, and she was qualified then. What would make her not good enough to do the actual job that she had more experience with than Barack Fauxbama (sorry, but I hate the guy, and he was the least qualified of any candidate that ever even thought of running)? Hillary Clinton has since been a Senator, longer, I might add than Fauxbama was a Senator. She also voted on a great deal of bills in the Senate than Mr. Obama did, because he was rarely interested.  Hillary Clintion has been involved in our government for over 15 years, yet she was/is not qualified? What is wrong with this country that an empty suited man can win the biggest seat in our government merely because he is a man and not a woman? Plenty is wrong with this country.

There is a double standard in this world that is a huge problem, and it must stop! America is the country of freedom, yet we are more supressed than ever. We are supposed to have freedom of speech, yet if something is said that others do not agree with or are offended by, those people become in great danger of losing respect, their jobs, their station in life. However, they are supposed to be allowed to speak their own opinions. Yet, celebrities that use their own opinions to sway fans into voting for a particular party (Jay-Z speaking out for Obama for instance) are lauded for their opinions, and their freedom of speech. Why is this so?

My government should not be allowed to tell me whether or not I can or cannot have an abortion. Not that I would if I had the option, but it would be MY decision and my decision alone. It is my body, and what my doctor does with me in their exam rooms are supposed to be protected and between us only. So, how is abortion even an issue? Of course there should be standards with the action of abortion (it should be allowed before the fetus is viable). I am a woman, and I am sick and tired of being pushed around! I work hard at my job, I treat others with respect, I take care of my friends and family, and I support myself all by myself (this is not a post about my flaws, that shall come later). When do I get the respect that I deserve? When do all of the women get the respect they deserve?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Women raise children alone when the father leaves to escape his responsibilities. Often, these women do not get financial support for a child that someone else is also   responsible for. For hundreds of years women have been abused by the men that are supposed to love them. How is that acceptable? It isn’t. When Lady Stockard Channing portrayed the First Lady of the United States on The West Wing, her character often stood up for women’s rights. The violence against women act, fighting a bill with an anti-abortion amendment…Those are the types of people that should be running this country, not pretending to do it on TV (not that I am saying that Stockard Channing herself should be the First Lady in real life because I KNOW it was just a character, but her First Lady blows the real life First Lady away! Especially in evening-wear and intelligence). Women need to get together and stick up for themselves and demand respect! There are plenty of ways to do it without being labeled a bra-burner or a hard-core feminist. I suggest that any woman who reads this post take a look at a few websites that promote the equality of women so that we can make changes in this world, and stop getting taken advantage of. Visit the Nationial Organization of Women (NOW) website and sign up to get email updates. Write to your Senator, or your Representative (try to use your own words instead of the bulk of the pre-written statements that the site provides), and tell them how you wish that they will vote. THAT is how this country is supposed to work. We vote for people who will support and defend us, and keep our best interest in mind. Become empowered, ladies and teach your daughters to do the same. I deserve respect, and so do you. When a man treats you like a number or a notch on his belt, that does NOT mean that you are the bad guy. It is he who takes advantage of multiple women and brags about it that is wrong and contributing to the disrespect of women everywhere. No man should have that power for any reason.

Also, just so you know fella’s, when women wear attractive clothing that may be a bit revealing and sweet smelling perfume to make them feel good, or sexy underthings to boost their confidence, it is not for you. It is not an invitation to be taken advantage of. Most women do those things for themselves, to feel our best, to be stylish or to feel feminine. If an attractive woman wants you, then you should get down on your knees and thank the heavens above because frankly, you guys aren’t always worth it. You treat a woman with respect (especially if you’ve slept with her) and handle yourself properly and you can consider yourself a man. You play with her emotions and her heart and then treat her as if she isn’t worth your time unless it’s in a bed and you can consider yourself a boy, and, most-likely a perpetual one (especially if your mother still takes care of you and you allow her to do so).

The Importance of meeting Stockard

If I were Stockard Channing, I would be tired (yet amused) by me, Shawna Blake. My friends do call me ‘Stalker Channing’. Though it is in jest, it sometimes make me feel bad. The word ‘stalking’, suggests something sinister, and I don’t have any threatening or wicked thoughts toward Ms. Channing. There is a fine line between stalking someone (especially a celebrity), and just being fascinated by them and taking every opportunity that you get to either meet them or speak with them, or even get them to notice you. Stalking is no joking matter, really, so allow me to make it widely understood and very clear that I am most certainly not Lady Channing’s stalker. I am in love with the woman, yes, but in an adoring, sweet, admiring, and highly respectful way. So, when she is appearing in a play—anywhere—I do my best to attend. Though I have seen only a precious few (and all of them only once, isn’t that idiotic?), I am enamored by her performances. This time, it is with great delight that I report my experience of witnessing The Importance of being Earnest at The Gaiety Theatre in Dublin, Ireland. Yes, Ireland. Having never seen this play, I was very eager to, as I had heard rave reviews about it from everyone that has seen it. Before I review the play itself, I must speak of meeting the lovely (quite shy and reserved) Lady.

Did I follow Stockard around Dublin? Hell, no. Did I stake out the back of the theatre? Hell yeah! Did it pay off? Well…It absolutely did. Though I hadn’t yet attended the play, I knew what time it might end, so I got myself there on time. The plan was to wait in that alley until she came out. While I sat there, several men from inside the theatre inquired about whom I wished to meet, and I was certainly not shy about saying who I was there to adore! And, so I waited (actually, I waited for quite some time, and stubbornly, until my mother & sister forced me, yes forced me to a pub across the street with a window view of said alley to have a beer). When I finally escaped them, there was someone else there waiting to meet her as well (a nice gal by the name of Sarah, whom graciously took a photo of myself and Ms. Channing), and a picture with Stockard Channing is worth more than a pot of gold, isn’t it? And really, it could be quite rare to obtain a quality photo in a dark, dingy (urinal) alley. Yes, I said urinal, but that is a completely separate blog post (seriously).

So, upon being forced to go ‘have a beer’, we decided on a small restaurant/bar directly across the street from the alley, that was also (conveniently) on the second floor. I made sure we got a seat by the window. Of course, I couldn’t see down the length of the alley, but I could see into about a quarter of it. I could also see the opening, and kept alert at whatever was happening below. When I noticed that the otherwise slow and empty street there were small groups of people walking down it, I assumed that the play, The Importance of Being Earnest was over. I was correct in assuming so. I left my mother and sister in my dust at the bar and ran down the stairs to wait for Ms. Channing (good thing I was wearing my Coach Flats instead of my heels). I was on a mission, and nobody, other than the good Channing herself, was going to stop me. And so I met her (for the second time in my life). And, unlike my first meeting with Ms. Channing, this time I was able to have an entire conversation with her. Unfortunately, I was so nervous that I can barely recall much of it but I do remember some of it.

She extended her hand toward me and said hello, and I told her my name, and we began to talk. I did tell her that she was my favorite person in the world (besides my family-I know, very lame, but also very true), to which Ms. Channing responded with a smile and “Oh!” I did ask her to sign two playbills that I had in my possession (yes, I was carrying them around just for the occasion), and she said sure. She felt for a pen, and looked back at the stage door like she might go back inside to fetch one, but I produced one of my two Sharpie markers (which I also had in my possession just for such an occasion). To which Channing said, “Oh! You came prepared.” And I told her yes. I know I asked her if she had gotten a letter that I had sent her a few weeks earlier, and she responded “No, I didn’t get a letter”, in a surprised and questioning manner. I can’t remember whether I got my picture taken earlier or later in the conversation, as it was a bit fuzzy, because of my nerves. But, Sarah, Channing’s other fan took a photo of me and Channing, thankfully, as my mother and sister were taking their sweet time paying the bar tab. I did tell her that my mother and sister wanted me to have a beer with them instead of waiting in the alley, and when we had finished talking to each other (after about ten minutes) she said “Now you can go have that beer”. Lol.

Though I met Stockard that night, I still hung out at the stage door the following night to meet her again. This time, however, I was with my mother, sister, and close friend, Gilly, who is also a huge Stockard fan. Gilly and I met through an online Facebook page called The Stockard Channing Facebook Group that she set up for Stockard Channing fans and we have become very good friends over the last ten months. Since she lives in the UK, and I in the States, we decided to meet in Dublin. So, technically, we had Ms. Channing to thank twice for bringing us together.

After the play, Gilly and I (knowing exactly where to go) went around the block to the back of the stage door to wait for   Ms. Channing. We ended up chatting up one of her co-stars, Rory Nolan, who played Algernon (Lady Bracknell’s nephew) in the play. He was very kind, and spoke very friendly with us. He asked where we were from because he noticed our very different accents than his own, and why we had come so far to see the play, and we told him that we were enamored with Stockard. He signed my programme (as they say in Ireland and the UK), and asked us “Weren’t you two sitting in the front row?” We replied that we were, but how did he know that? He told us that he could see us from the stage. At first that excited us, but then we realized that Lady Channing could see us as well, and we probably looked silly staring up at her throughout the play (which we absolutely were, or, at least I know I was). We told him we wanted to ask Channing out for a Guinness, but we really should have asked him, because he was a really cool guy.

Then…Stockard came out. My goodness.

You would think that having just met her the previous night (and once before) I would have been cool as a cucumber. Not so much. I was still rather nervous. But, as I have mentioned in previous posts, Stockard Channing calms me somehow, so even if I run on about the mouth about nothing I am still very subdued.

Gilly was on one side of the alley, I on the other, while mother and sis  were poised in between somewhere to capture us with several camera’s. When she came out, she surveyed the crowd (I was standing on the same side of the alley as the door she emerged from, but further down, so Gilly could meet her first. Gilly met her alright. Stockard extended her hand to Gilly and said “Hello”. Gilly, having her hands full, fumbled for a moment and stuttered a few words, and said that her name was Gilly, while shaking hands. Gilly, having been very nervous, had said her name a little chirpily. So, Stockard said “Hi, Gill-ay.” Poor Gilly was almost horrified that her idol mispronounced her name. But she got to talk to her and told her how wonderful she was in the play, and she thanked her for all the joy that Stockard has given her through her films. She got her picture taken with Ms. Channing several times. After a few moments, Gilly gestured to me to explain to Channing that we had met through her, and Stockard turned to me, smiled and said “Oh, yes, I remember her from last night.” (!) She remembered me from the previous night!!

I came forward, and we got our photo taken together, Gilly, Stockard and I, while talking and laughing the entire time. Stockard slipped her arm around my waist and then offered to sign our programmes. Again, I offered her my Sharpie, and she used it to sign her autograph on the items that we had brought. Gilly had brought along the DVD cover of The Girl Most Likely to… (the black cover version with Stockard’s face on it) to be signed in addition to her programme. Stockard was using the black Sharpie (I had a silver one as well), and I offered it to her for the black cover, but she had already begun to sign on the headband of the picture on the cover (I wasn’t about to argue with the Lady Channing, ok?). After Gilly’s things were signed, and Gilly told her that The Girl Most Likely to… was one of our favorites, she was set to sign my items. I had brought an old playbill (as we say in the US), and the programme from the play. I asked her to sign my name in the Earnest programme and she did so. Here’s where it gets interesting: I gave her another playbill to sign (from 1970, I collect them), and she looked up at me curiously, as it was the third old playbill that I had her sign in Dublin), so I explained, “I collect your playbills. I want to get all of them signed.” That seemed to impress her greatly as she looked at me and said in her serious tone (but with a smile) “That’s a really good idea!” And she signed my playbill for me.

We kept conversing with Stockard & my sis (or my mother) kept taking photo’s of the greatness, so that we would have them for posterity’s sake. They even got pictures with Stockard as well, even after making fun of me for following her all the way to Dublin and for being so awed by her.

              Chatting with Channing

                                                                                             My sister and Lady Channing

Then my mother got into the action. She said to Ms. Channing, “My daughter is a huge fan of yours and I am supposed to tell you that you can have her.” Stockard laughed and said “I can have her?!” a bit incredulously with a chuckle. I was standing next to her when this happened so I patted her arm and said “I figure since you don’t have any children that you might want to take me.” and she laughed again and said, “Well, we’ll talk about that later.” I forgot to ask her when! Damn!

                    

Of course, there were other people waiting to meet the lovely gracious, fabulous and cute actress, so we had to eventually move aside (reluctantly, again). But, in the meantime, Stockard used my Sharpie to sign everyone’s items (how clever of me to bring those markers just for that very reason!). When she was finished, she held the Sharpie up, and I went and reclaimed it. Refgret not hugging her though when I did this (sigh), I have got to learn to think faster on my feet. So, now, both Sharpies are encompassed within my Stockard Channing ‘shrine’ (I don’t really have  a ‘shrine’, just a nice collection).

We adore you, Lady Stockard Channing, and thank you immensely for the wonderful and friendly meeting that you awarded us with.

                                            

                                    The Best photo of the night                           My two mom’s (lol)

The Many Phases of Abbey Bartlet. Part 1

 

During the seven-season run of NBC’s ‘The West Wing’, First Lady Abigail Bartlet (Stockard Channing) had many different looks and styles. The audience would not know how Abbey would look not only from season to season, but episode to episode. This was basically because Stockard Channing’s appearances in the series were often quite irregular, so she would appear each season between three (seasons 1 & 7) and nine (seasons 3 & 6) times. Needless to say, Channing wasn’t always on the set, and rarely in front of the camera’s. So, when she would pop in to turn the place upside down, right all of the President’s wrongs, and remind him that he was merely one humble man, she often looked different than the last time that we saw her. By the time that the series ended, the President had very much aged (due to the stress of the job), but his First Lady looked…well, better than she did when we met her to begin with! One might suggest that Stockard Channing looks better as she ages.

Abbey Bartlet was dressed many ways for us throughout the years. Sometimes she was dressed smartly in a chic well-tailored suit, other times she was draped elegantly in beautiful evening gowns, and dripping in ritzy jewelry that could blind you if you look directly at it, and other times she was hardly dressed at all and wearing night clothes. But, whatever Doctor Bartlet was wearing, or how she had her hair was always likened to eye candy for the audience, especially considering she was one of the best-looking things in the serious series.

Season one:

Here, we had Abbey Bartlet for a mere three episodes, which is hardly enough time to become acquainted with her. We met her first as a graceful hostess, in an evening gown, generous with her décolletage (1.7-The State Dinner). In the episodes that follow, we see her dressed a little more conservatively, focusing on her skills as a doctor, and a wife (1.12-He Shall From Time to Time, & 1.14-The White House Pro Am).

                                                           

Season two:

We found ourselves a bit luckier in getting to see Abbey more during the second season of the series. This was partially due to the large storylines that happened in this season; the Rosslyn shooting that led into the MS scandal of season three. Abbey was completely involved in these storylines because the President was shot at Rosslyn, and she was his co-conspirator in covering up his health. During this season, Abbey is far more business/casual in her attire, and keeps the same look throughout the season, because her character was present during 1/3 of the season.

Below we see Abbey in the hospital with the President after the shooting, during a flashback scene of the campaign, and 16 weeks after the shooting when she and Jed are attempting to reconnect after the first batch of the turmoil.

                        

                    In the Shadow of Two Gunmen 1 & 2 (2.1 and 2.2)                            And It’s Surely to their Credit (2.5)

 

Abbey and Jed during and after his third ‘State of the Union Address’, where they are in the midst of a marital spat, and a hostage crisis that the President and his Joint Chiefs walked into as if it were a trap.

                    

             Bartlet’s Third State of the Union (2.13)                                    The War at Home (2.14)

 

Abbey meets with the WH counsel about the MS scandal (in which she is directly involved, as well as her husband), meets and plans with Sam Seaborn what might (or should) happen next, and attends a funeral that nobody ever expected to happen, while reeling that her husband has announced without her consent or knowledge that he will run for a second term.

                         

              The Fall’s Gonna Kill You (2.20)                    18th & Potomac (2.21)                     Two Cathedrals (2.22)

 

Season Three:

During the third season of the series all hell breaks loose. Amid the Multiple Sclerosis shock (which the audience and Leo McGarry learned about in season one, but only a select few of the Presidents staffers were even informed of in season two, but the American people don’t find out until the night that Bartlet announces his next Presidential bid), several people besides the President are accused of criminal behavior and are forced to testify about how much information they had when Jed Bartlet was elected, and what laws they may have broken because of their actions. Beside the President, the person taking the fall and paying for the cover-up the most is our beloved First Lady; her medical license is on the line. On top of all that, the Bartlet admin., is running for re-election, and Jed and Abbey have been silently fighting each other about it for months, and the staffers find themselves stuck within the tension that this creates. Season three is action packed, but Abbey, having been a consistent character through the last season, retains much of the same style and look that we have grown accustomed to in season two. She even gets an episode that is devoted almost solely to her, much to the delight of her fans. 

The first episode is a stand-alone, not tied into any story-line because it aired right after 911, and is meant as a dedication to the tragedy. However, we are thrust back into season three soon enough. During the first few episodes, the Bartlet marriage is in crisis, with neither spouse reaching out to the other in any way. Abbey and Jed both are distraught over their lack of communication, but cannot seem to break the barrier. So, they remain at odds for what is translated to the audience as a few months time.

               

          Isaac and Ishmael (3.1)                              Manchester Pt I (3.2)                           Manchester Pt. II (3.3)

The first few dramatic episodes that Abbey is seen in are more about the main storyline of that season (mainly the MS scandal, in which Abbey plays a very large part). The next two episodes, Abbey has very small, low key parts that support smaller storylines, and allow Abbey to bring a little brightness into the White House.

                  

               On the Day Before (3.5)                                                              War Crimes (3.6)

 

The Bartlet marriage mended, we find that running for re-election is a bit difficult when the candidate and his wife find themselves in their own respective courts for hiding the President’s MS from the world. The next few episodes find key players being reamed by the WH counsel, as the holidays begin to approach. Doctor Abigail Bartlet herself is labeled as the President’s “biggest liability” for her part in the scandal. On top of all that, Stockard broke her ankle while hiking (in Malibu, I believe), and she and Abbey both are stuck in a wheelchair (Aaron Sorkin was kind enough to write her injury into the script)! Can’t run away from your problems that way, AB!

                                          

               Gone Quiet (3.7) <Oh, Abbey…!>                                                    The Indians in the Lobby (3.8)

Through the MS trials and the court proceedings, we get to see ‘flashbacks of the beginning of Bartlet’s first election and we hear stories of previous MS attacks, and Leo McGarry’s brief fall off of the sobriety wagon. Meanwhile, during the week of her birthday, Abbey starts feeling the heat about her own court appearance (which we never get to actually see).

                                        

                  Bartlet For America (3.10)                                                    Dead Irish Writers (3.16)

When the MS scandal wraps up toward the end of season three, we look forward to the election, and wonder; after all of this, will Jed Bartlet win his second term?

Well, would you vote for him?

 

End of Part One

Nine lives…or, deaths.

Nothing is more relaxing and enjoyable for me than sitting down and watching a movie. By this I mean a movie that I haven’t yet seen, turning down the lights, snuggling with a blanket and pillow and turning off the computer. This is especially enjoyable when it is a Stockard Channing movie (except, now there aren’t many that I haven’t seen!). Sometimes, this turns into a bad experience, as many times, mid-movie (or, even oftener, during the first few moments) whatever character Stockard is playing just dies. What?! First of all, how could anyone ever kill Stockard Channing’s character for any reason (well, other than to freak me out, make me cry, etc…)? I really wouldn’t bring this up, but it happens so often! So often that I actually wondered aloud one day “How many movies does her character die in anyway?”

The answer? Too many. No, seriously.

If I were to count how many movies Stockard Channing’s character dies in a movie, it would be…seven. Seven times dead. That is alot of ways to die…From this point forward there are spoilers, in case you have yet to see any of these movies (and if you haven’t already seen them, then shame on you!).

~‘The First Wives Club’ (1996). This one might be the most popular, actually, and though heartbreaking (yes, it breaks my heart a little each time that my girl dies in a flick, call me crazy), it might be her coolest death. Well, of course it’s her coolest death, Cynthia Swann Griffin takes a swan dive off of her fancy New York City apartment’s balcony. You see, Cynthia, though a rich, beautiful, prominent New York socialite, was dumped by her husband for a much younger woman, much like her fellow ‘First Wives’ and old college roomies.  So, instead of dealing with the jerk, and letting him be happy with his new wife, she brazenly jumps from the balcony, after smoking a cigarette and swigging on what appears to be a glass of vodka. While wearing heels and a luxurious fur coat… But, without this dynamic act that Cynthia gives is approximately 5:52 minutes into the film (including credits, people, without them Stockard’s part lasts roughly 2 minutes and 15 seconds, all of which she makes you feel her pain, aggravation, pride, and heartbreak), we wouldn’t really have a movie. You see, it is Cynthia’s death that pulls her college pals together for her funeral and pushes them to exact revenge on the exes that broke their hearts and embarrassed them. Without Cynthia (Channing), the other ladies; Elise Elliot (Goldie Hawn), Brenda Cushman (Bette Midler), and Annie Paradis (Diane Keaton), may not have had a movie to star in.

 

~‘Where the Heart is‘ (2000). ‘Sister’ Thelma Husband (Sister is a nickname, she is not a nun) is a recovering alcoholic known as ‘The Welcome Lady’ in town because she welcomes newcomers. She is  (or was, rather) friendly, and caring with a sweet (and very authentic-Julia Roberts-take note) southern accent. Sister Husband takes in little Novalee Nation (Natalie Portman) after she gave birth to her baby, Americus in the local Wal-mart. She takes care of Novalee and her baby, and seemingly much of the town, and does so until a tornado blows through town and takes her with it. Really? A tornado? What is this, Oz? That was totally uncalled for, even if Novalee got a brand new house out of the deal.

~‘The Piano Man’s Daughter’ (2003). This death, we all sort of saw coming. Lily Kilworth was a little bit…uh, nutty, and she played with fire (literally, she was awed by it). This movie followed the life of Lily, who had mental problems, and was rather uncontrollable, and her son, Charlie Kilworth (Christian Campbell), who has spent much of his life trying to tame his mother (or simply keep her out of harms way).

~‘Moll Flanders’ (1996). Ahh, a hooker and her pimp. Stockard Channing plays Mrs. Alworthy, a madame of a London whorehouse, who employs Moll Flanders (Robin Wright Penn) as a…well, a hooker. Mrs. Allworthy takes full advantage of the young woman, even selling off her virginity to the highest bidder. Moll escapes her, and begins a new life, only to get roped in once more and is then forced to travel to the States with Allworthy. During the trip abroad, the ship is caught in a storm, and Mrs. Allworthy drowns.

~Hitler: The Rise of Evil (2003). It’s bad enough that we see Ms. Channing portray the mother of one of the most venomous persons alive, they had to add insult to injury by killing Hitler’s mother? Well, okay, Klara Hitler may really have died of cancer, and of course the movie had to follow the facts, but did they have to kill her off in the first five minutes? They could have at least given her a few more scenes, maybe showing what type of influence that she would have been on the dreaded leader’s life had she stayed alive. If Klara Hitler hadn’t died when her son was so young, there might never have been a Holocaust.

~Echoes in the Darkness (1987). This one wasn’t a shocker at all, as the entire story revolves around the true life brutal murder of Susan Reinert (played by Channing). But the movie is dark and twisty, and throughout, even before Reinert gets killed. The story is built up greatly by the guilty parties before the actual act happens, making it even worse for the viewer that does not love to watch the demise of any Channing character.

~Perfect Witness (1989). During the whole movie, I had this feeling that Liz Sapperstein was going to meet her maker. She did. But, she made it through a great majority of the movie, and she died a hero. Sapperstein was a NYC detective, assisting in bringing a major witness, Sam Paxton (Aiden Quinn) to testify against the mob. During a sting, Sapperstein steps in to halt an innocent passer-by from inadvertently ruining the whole set-up, only to be shot down in the process. Teary-eyed, was I when my Channing lay slain.

I must note that there are three other movies where death was trying to grasp Channing. The first, of course, is ‘The Fortune’ in which Nicky (Warren Beatty) and Oscar (Jack Nicholson) try to kill Freddie to inherit her fortune. The two men make several attempts on her life, which Freddie barely escapes. She does manage to elude them, however, which is in large part due to the fact that the two men are quite inept and foolish in everything they do, including murder.

The second was in the movie ‘Lucan’. Channing’s character, Mickey MacElwaine climbed atop the highest story at her fathers construction site to get attention from the unruly men. She slipped, and was close to falling several flights to her death, but Lucan used his wolf-like skills to save her just in the nick of time.

The third movie is of a far more serious nature. During the filming of ‘The Big Bus’, Kitty Baxter (Channing) was stuck in the kitchen of the big bus, when all of the soda from the machines completely emptied. During a filming of this scene, the CO2 drove all of the oxygen out of the room that she was in, causing Stockard to pass out. She later stated in a magazine interview that she had a ‘near-death experience’ that she didn’t like to talk about.

After all of this, a small consolation is that at least the characters all died in different ways, making it at least interesting to examine. Of course, Ms. Channing herself remains alive and well, which is worth far more than the lives of those whom she plays onscreen.

Channing’s ‘Fortune’.

Amidst the speculation and swirling rumors that have erupted since Warren Beatty’s ‘unauthorized’ biography has surfaced, now is as good a time as any to discuss Beatty’s link with Stockard Channing. The link was a film called ‘The Fortune’, made in 1975 and starred Stockard Channing, Warren Beatty and Jack Nicholson and was touted as a dark, slapstick comedy. One of the first of Channing’s major films, this one unfortunately failed to fly too far from the ground. It is funny, and it has a stellar cast, but my personal guess is that it just wasn’t appreciated fully in it’s own time. Set in the roaring twenties, it is the story of two buddies who are forced to travel together because one of them, Nicky Wilson (Beatty) wants to marry his lover, Freddie (Or Fredrika Contessa Biggars), but cannot run off with her because it was against the law to carry a woman over state lines who was not your wife (stated by the Mann act). So, to get his lady love away from her daddy, Nicky must take along a friend, Oscar Sullivan (Nicholson) to do the dirty work. Hilarity ensues.

The story opens with Freddie running from the gated mansion of her fathers to the waiting car of her married lover (Nicky was married already). They then pick up the pal, Oscar and head to the Justice of the peace where he marries Freddie. Yes, Oscar marries Freddie for his friend Nicky. Then Oscar, though married to the lovely lady, is getting none of the perks. He doesn’t get the kisses that Freddie lavishes upon Nicky’s moustached face, not does he get any attention for his good deed, which leaves him rather sulky.

So, Nicky is a bit arrogant, Oscar is sulky and jealous (both of the affections that Freddie is giving to Nicky instead of himself and  even funnier, vice versa), and Freddie is silly and girly. All of their different attitudes clashing makes for some fun times. Also, if you don’t think that Nicholson’s Bozo-like hairstyle is funny (it’s hilarious!), you will find no humor in the rest of this comedy.

The moment Freddie becomes Oscar’s wife, she faints from both the excitement of the evening and her alcohol consumption. While she is passed out, time allows Oscar to ponder the idea that he has that Freddie is an heiress and really very rich. Though at first he isn’t sure what she is rich from, he quickly recalls and has a conversation with his buddy Nick about what her refers to as ‘mouse-beds’, which is a feminine hygiene product. While the audience is both amused and confused about this awkward (and disturbing) conversation, there is a point to it; Freddie is the heir to such a product. Since her mother is dead, Freddie will have access to the fortune- as well as whomever her husband may be, which at this point is not Nicky. Oscar the con man has the unfair advantage, because he can claim the money if anything happens to the lovely Freddie. This, is something that he begins to contemplate.

So, Oscar decides that he might want Freddie to really be his wife, after all. He plans, and eventually makes a move on Freddie by insisting that Nicky doesn’t love her because he never spends time with her, and will not allow her to have a pet. He buys her a baby-chick, and then seduces her. The movie is basically based on the ineptitude of a con man and his ‘clever’ friend. Anything that Nicky and Oscar attempt to do in this movie inevitably fails. They both sleep with Freddie eventually (even within the same few minutes, unbeknownst to one of them), and both decide they want her for their own. But, Freddie is no fool, she quickly realizes that the two men may be after her fortune and threatens to give it away. To stop this from happening, the men come up with a plan; if they can’t have Freddie, (or really, her money) then nobody can. The easiest way, of course to decide which man gets Freddie and her fortune is to kill her and split the prize money.

This, however is when things get problematic; Nicky and Oscar are smart idiots. Nothing works in their favor. They buy a poinsous snake to do her in; the chicken kills the snake. They try to drown a drunk Freddie in the fountain outside of their cheap rental, but she turns over before she drowns and is found by the landlady Mrs. Gould (Florence Stanley), who alerts the men to Freddie’s near-death experience. They then stuff the passed out Freddie into a trunk and throw her into the ocean, where it floats until the tide shifts and she awakes and crawls from it.

This movie is a solid B. It has great actors, a good storyline, and strange slapstick comedy. The only thing that could have made it better was if the two seasoned actors (Nicholson and Beatty) had made it so. Channing was a mere movie rookie in this flick, and it threw a slight halt into her career when it fizzled at the box office.