Editor’s Note: This post is in response to one particular person and situation. It is written in an over-the-top fashion to get the attention from that person and get our point across. It was also written with a great deal of different opinions combined and is meant, for the most part to be humorous.
Lately one of my fellow Stockette’s came across an interesting ‘definition’ on the internet (and I use the term definition loosely) that pertained to our beloved Lady Stockard Channing. The words were cruel, ignorant, offensive, chauvinistic, rude, digusting, inaccurate, and did I mention ignorant? I do believe that innacurate and offensive describe them best, but I digress… I will not dignify the nauseating and repulsive ‘definition’ with a link, because the ‘
author’ random contributing prick that wrote the distasteful, obnoxious irritatingly annoying little words does not deserve any more ‘hits’ on his (hers?) insulting and altogether sickening post. This is just a point that I am trying to prove to the world; Some people shouldn’t be allowed on the internet, or at least to contribute to any information that is accessible to innocent web surfers. To contribute any information online, you should at least have, oh, let’s say a sixth grade degree. To be perfectly honest, the web shouldn’t even be attainable to anyone that hasn’t a college degree, or, the equivalent of such (this is so I do not offend anyone that is actually, wait, what’s the word? Oh, yes, smart.). Why? You might ask. Well, I have just the answer; so mature, respectful and ethical people such as myself (you know, those of us that do have a moral compass that we use), do not have to spend their very precious time to right all of the wrongs in cyberspace. I am already tired of policing Twitter and (God help us) Facebook for ungodly mistakes in grammar, nonsense and the absolute worst; far too much information. Nobody wants to know what you had for dinner, if you did five loads of laundry yesterday, if your child was sick and puked all night, or that your idiot boyfriend is being an ass (which is about 90% of the time, yes?). We don’t want to know that you are spending quality time with your hubby, or that you just cut your grass, unless you are a person of interest to us. Guess what? You are not all that interesting. Okay? If you tweet about cutting your fucking grass all day, you had better be Ryan Reynolds, Matthew McConaughey, Bradley fucking Cooper, or someone nicknamed McDreamy or McSteamy, and attach a picture of yourself topless and sweating after you have cut your grass. Got it? If you are spending quality time with your boyfriend or your husband, and you feel the need to tell the world on Facebook, why don’t you make sure we care first? Don’t know if you qualify? Well, let me tell you if you do. Are you Jennifer Aniston? Are you Mariska Hartgitay? Are you Stockard Channing? If you answered no, then guess what? We don’t give a damn, so, shut your fucking mouth. Unless you have a degree.
Why am I so adament about halting the moronic imbiceles who lack the accurate brain cells from contributing their dumbass opinions on the web? I am tired, people. If you are bored, go play a damned video game instead of telling the world about what you think is clever. You know why? Because you don’t think! So… step… away… from… the… keyboard…NOW! You see, if you are feeble-minded, you are much more likely to win at a cartoon-like video game, than you are to impress anyone in the world with your opinion on something you know nothing about. Plus, I am a bit grouchy today and I was just listening to Metallica, which goes hand in hand with my angry feelings.
If you aren’t an ‘Italian’ Reality TV star (or any reality star, again, the word star is used loosely), an ‘Extreme Couponer’, A ‘Gypsy who is getting married at 16′ or are a member of the ‘Mobwives’, nobody is going to follow you on Twitter, Facebook, your lousy blog, random pages where you can comment, or places where you can make up your own definitions. Just because you happen to have a computer, and delusions of grandeur does not mean that you are even competent or qualified, or hell, even wanted to be a web editor. This is especially true (or would the idiots of the world rather me say ‘exspecially’?) if you cower behind a moniter with a fake name that you think is cute or endearing. Okay, so are you still with me dimwit, or did I lose you somewhere in the first sentence, or three paragraphs ago? It’s ok, you can join the thousands of other drones that have no idea what they are talking about.
Here’s what I am saying to you people (using the word people loosely as well): Shut the hell up. If the internet was the playground at school, your ass would get beat up every day because you are a senseless fool with a big mouth. Or, here is another scenario (hey, I’m on a roll tonight, okay?) if you were an inmate convicted of molesting a child or murdering elderly people, you would be the one who gets shanked. I would say “you know who you are”, but you’re a mindless loser who doesn’t even comprehend what this entire post is about. So, I will say, if this post does not penetrate deep enough inside your tiny, tiny, tiny little head, then YOU should STOP posting ANYTHING on the ENTIRE web. And, just so we’re clear, when you use ‘ALL CAPS’ to type with, those words are considered as virtual raised voices or even yelling. If you’ve gone past itilicizing and are on to capital words, it basically means that your stupidity has basically PISSED somebody off.
Now that I have all of that off of my chest (no, I am not done, not even close), to anyone who has something disagreeable to say about Stockard Channing, here I am. Say it to me, run it past me, get my thoughts on the subject. Because if my fellow Stockettes and I are deeply offended by something that you write, post, publicize or even think about, we will pounce. When I say pounce, I am being gracious. We have no intention of not leaving deep wounds and scars all over your entire life. Not just your physical self, but your entire world. If you are stupid, leave Stockard Channing (you know, the wonderful actress who graduated summa cum laude from Radcliffe, known now as Harvard) out of it. Harvard, by the way, is an Ivy-League College you dim-witted ass, which is, I am quite sure a place that you have never even been, but also a place where you would never be welcome because they don’t concentrate their studies in the football huddles or the basketball courts that you are used to. They actually have books there! Real books, and real dictionaries written by people that can actually spell, not dictionaries that define slang words (which are basically words that dumb people construct because they don’t know the real words that are from the real dictionaries). Oh! So sorry, I’ve lost your dumb-ass again, haven’t I? A book is “a written or printed work of fiction or non-fiction, usually on sheets of paper fastened or bound together within covers”. That definition came strait from the dictionary that you lack (or use to prop up a piece of broken furniture in your idiotic world). Wait, I will give you a picture so you can keep up:
Not only is that a dictionary, it is a Latin one! Since you barely discern regular old English, we should probably stay away from Latin while you’re here. I will, however define summa cum laude for you; It is a noun (which is a person, place or thing, in case you didn’t know), meaning “with highest praise: used in diplomas to grant the highest of three special honors for grades (in your world, however, grades most-likely translate into F’s) above the average”. Probably something that you may have heard of on TV.
DEFINITION: A highly devoted and intelligent fan of only the best actresses in the world, namely Stockard Channing, born February. 13, 1944, in New York City (otherwise known as Susan Antonia Williams Stockard Channing).
~A lover of the actress Stockard Channing-who has exceptional acting skills, and is gorgeous, with a fit body and a kind heart. Miss Channing is the recipient of five Tony Nominations and the winner of Two Tony awards, as well as various Emmy nominations (Two Wins) and Oscar Nominations. Miss Channing has starred in over 80 movies (both Screen and several made-for-TV), and over 50 Broadway plays since the age of 20.
~Someone that knows Stockard Channing has played more roles than “Rizzo in Grease”, 30+ years ago.
~Someone who prefers intillectually stimulating information, conversation and mainly entertainment. Stockette’s enjoy Plays and Musicals that tend to be “too smart” for the average man (or below average blogger).
Examples used in Sentences:
“I am a proud Stockette, an intellectual bad-ass who knows that Stockard Channing is one of the most beautiful and revered actresses ever to grace Hollywood, Broadway, and Television with her Presence.”
”Sorry, Stockettes don’t like gravy(111), but thanks anyway. We prefer more stimulating and intellectual people”.
”A pure Stockette does not makes him/herself look terribly idiotic when posting things on the internet. Or, at least we try.”
”Real Stockettes don’t make up ridiculous words that are not only offensive, but arbitrary and full of conjecture.”
”Stockette’s do not enjoy bureaucratic nonsense.”
”A Stockette will be out for blood if anyone were to intentionally discredit Stockard Channing in any way, shape, or form.”
”Some Stockette’s will ’ “cut a bitch” ‘ to protect their Lady Channing.”
There you have it. Any questions? Though doubtful, because stupid people are often lazy as well, you will see a small link below this post that says ‘comment’, and if you click on it (pay attention, now you little idiot), you can leave me a message, or in one certain person’s case, an apology.
My name is Shawna, and this is my blog. My twitter name is Stockardguru, if you’re up for a war of words (you can see my tweets in the right-hand column, if you need to stop and ‘think’ about which side that is go ahead…Ready now that you’ve figured it out, you fool?). There are no pretend names here, and there is even a picture of me off to the right (again, I will give you a moment…well, a little longer, because you will enjoy my photo tremendously because I am not only smarter than you, I am by far cuter…).
Okay, now that you are all caught up (or you may be dumb and a slow reader), I shall end my rant. I will also pray for you, because you clearly need assistance (no, not public assistance, which I am sure you know far too much about, because you are most-likely too lazy to have a job). Yeah, so…thanks for visting…and now you may resume watching your WWE wrestling match (which is fake, sorry to spoil it for ya, but honestly, someone would have to do it sooner or later, and while we’re on the subject of fakeness, so is Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny).
OH! Before you go, if you can’t locate a dictionary, you know a real one? They have them at your local LIBRARY. No, no, don’t worry! There are these people that work there called Librarians, and they know their ABC’s, they’ll help you along. By the way, you may find all of these big words in the dictionary. I am so glad I could help!
June 19, 2011 Posted by stockardfan | Random rants | All hail the Stockettes, annoying people, blog surfers, blog writers, Dictionary, dumbasses on the web, Facebook, gravy 111, Hail the Stockkettes, Help, Jennifer Aniston, Matthew McConaughey, online inappropriate posts, online urban dictionary, personal information, postings, Ryan Reynolds, Stockard Channing, Stockettes Ignorant people, Stupidity, twits, Twitter, twitter followers | 3 Comments
All About Stockard
Ms. Stockard Channing is one of the most revered and capable actresses of our life-time (Of course, I am biased in saying that because I admire her greatly). She was born February. 13, 1944 in New York City. She is an alum of Radcliffe (of Harvard) College and has been acting since those years she spent in college. Her career began in Boston theatre, and she continued to hone her craft on various stages in Boston, and gradually moved to the big time of New York City. Having been cast in a few small (uncredited roles), her first ‘big break’ came when she was cast opposite Jack Nicholson and Warren Beatty in Mike Nichols’, The Fortune. Best known as First Lady Abbey Bartlet on NBC’s The West Wing, and much to our chagrin, the fiesty bad-girl Betty Rizzo in Grease, Ms. Channing is one of those actresses that is so good at what she does, it’s almost unbelievable.
Having spent half of her career on various stages, and the other half gracing the silver screen, and within several television shows, one might say that she has done it all. Her last television role post The West Wing, was on a short lived sitcome called Out of Practice, starring opposite Henry Winkler (which was cancelled due to the ignorance of the network presenting it).
Since then, Ms. Channing has been in several stage productions, both on and off Broadway (which are discussed within this blog), including the revival of the musical Pal Joey at Studio 54 presented by The Roundabout Theatre Company. Lady Channing’s recently appeared in Oscar Wilde’s widely famous The Importance of Being Earnest, as Lady Bracknell in Dublin, Ireland. Her latest performance (slated until late February ’11), is In Other Desert Cities at the Mitzi E. Newhouse theater in New York City.
She’s a multi-award winning talent whom is also very versatile and can literally play any part that is thrust upon her. Since I am just a simple writer starting early in my career, the best way I can pay tribute to her is by writing about her.
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About the Author
I am a 33 year old full time college student who is an aspiring writer. I have many goals in my life, among them to write several best-selling novels in my time. I really hope to write the biography of Stockard Channing if she would be so generous and accomodating for me (it's more like my dream). Of course, she would first have to want one written about her (which she may not as she is quite a private person), and she would also have to authorize it, as I would never, ever write anything against her wishes, nor disrespect her in any form. My goal, however, that is completely within my own power is to win the Nobel prize for Literature for what will be my most interesting work (which is not finished yet).
I am a single young woman who enjoys attending plays, reading, writing, doing calligraphy (which I taught myself), and spending time with family and friends. Lately, I have also been enjoying travelling and have a list of places that I would love to visit someday.
I am ceratinly not opposed to performing any freelance work, editing (for school essays or small projects as I am not yet a professional, but in training), essays, article writing, or ghost writing if anyone is interested in my work. Again, I am not a professional, but I am very, very good at what I do. Please feel free to contact me. I am a person who has opinions and ideas to spare. I am a full time college student (working toward a Masters Degree in English, Minor in literature). I work full time (not as a writer, though, yet), and I spend my free time writing on the web, just to gain some experience and to practice. I am also a notorious fan of Stockard Channing, so most of my posts will be about her and some of her performances and work! I just have alot of thoughts and opinions and need a place where I may relay them and perhaps vent.